The Committee
December 23, 2005
I have always thought of Indians as living in largely male-dominated societies. My experience is that of the women congregating around the kitchen, or covering their heads at religious gatherings, or giving up their careers for the men in their lives. Now, given that I have spent over 25 years of my life in the U.S. I would say that this is mostly through my observations over the years in the U.S. What I have seen in India parallels this closely and lends credence to those who believe that societies have more to do with the people who compose it rather than the country in which it exists.
I remember a conversation with a friend’s husband in the U.S. regarding his desire to purchase a new car. I merely stated that he should go ahead and get one if he felt that he needed it. He had been having a series of troubles with his car and this was certainly a necessity rather than frivolousness. He looked at me a little sheepishly and stated that the request was “up before the committee.” We both laughed as I knew immediately that the committee was his wife and my friend. Although he was the breadwinner in the relationship, it was clear that the division of power hinged on much more than mere financial contribution.
Back in Mumbai, I continued apartment hunting alone with the agent as my husband had already seen many of these places and needed to go in to work. As the agent probed me about the flats, it became increasingly obvious to him that I kept reverting back to two that were slightly above our budget (as dictated by my husband’s posting). He was masterful when he subtly suggested that I ask my husband to talk to his manager about increasing the budget. And he was outright sly when he handed me the fodder for that conversation by casually stating that someone else who was in Mumbai for a one year posting had a bigger budget (although he did not have a family).
Regardless of country and maybe even nationality (as my non-Indian friends may attest) it appears that although men still tend to have most of the explicit power in society they can’t make most decisions without the approval of a one woman committee.
I have always thought of Indians as living in largely male-dominated societies. My experience is that of the women congregating around the kitchen, or covering their heads at religious gatherings, or giving up their careers for the men in their lives. Now, given that I have spent over 25 years of my life in the U.S. I would say that this is mostly through my observations over the years in the U.S. What I have seen in India parallels this closely and lends credence to those who believe that societies have more to do with the people who compose it rather than the country in which it exists.
I remember a conversation with a friend’s husband in the U.S. regarding his desire to purchase a new car. I merely stated that he should go ahead and get one if he felt that he needed it. He had been having a series of troubles with his car and this was certainly a necessity rather than frivolousness. He looked at me a little sheepishly and stated that the request was “up before the committee.” We both laughed as I knew immediately that the committee was his wife and my friend. Although he was the breadwinner in the relationship, it was clear that the division of power hinged on much more than mere financial contribution.
Back in Mumbai, I continued apartment hunting alone with the agent as my husband had already seen many of these places and needed to go in to work. As the agent probed me about the flats, it became increasingly obvious to him that I kept reverting back to two that were slightly above our budget (as dictated by my husband’s posting). He was masterful when he subtly suggested that I ask my husband to talk to his manager about increasing the budget. And he was outright sly when he handed me the fodder for that conversation by casually stating that someone else who was in Mumbai for a one year posting had a bigger budget (although he did not have a family).
Regardless of country and maybe even nationality (as my non-Indian friends may attest) it appears that although men still tend to have most of the explicit power in society they can’t make most decisions without the approval of a one woman committee.
posted by Danakka @ 10:43 PM
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